BEER TROUBLESHOOTING GUIDE
SYMPTOM	CAUSE	CORRECTIVE ACTION
Feet cold and wet	Glass Being held at incorrect angle.	Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling
Feet warm and wet	Improper Bladder Control	Stand next to nearest dog, complain about lack of house training
Beer unusually pale and tasteless	a. Glass empty. b. You're holding a Coors Lite	Get someone to buy you another beer
Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights	You have fallen over backward.	Have yourself leashed to bar
Mouth contains cigarette butts, back of head covered with ashes	You have fallen forward	See above
Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet	a. Mouth not open b. Glass applied to wrong part of face	Retire to restroom, practice in mirror
Floor Blurred	You are looking through bottom of empty glass	Get someone to buy you another beer
Floor moving	You are being carried out	Find out if you are being taken to another bar
Room seems unusually dark	Bar has closed	Confirm home address with bartender. If staff is gone, grab a six-pack to go and hit the nearest fire escape door. Run
Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures	Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations	Cover mouth, open window, stick head outside
Everyone looks up to you and smiles	You are dancing on the table	Fall on someone cushy-looking
Beer is crystal-clear	It's water! Somebody is trying to sober you up	Punch him
People are standing around urinals, talking or putting on makeup	You're in the ladies' room	Do not use urinal! Excuse yourself, exit and try the next door down the hall. Try to get phone numbers (optional)
Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear	You have been in a fight	Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them
Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in	You've wandered into the wrong party	See if they have free beer
Your bedroom is painted gray, has a concrete floor and an interesting steel door. Toilet may be conveniently located next to your bunk	a. You're in jail b. You're in the navy	Sleep it off, you can always get out tomorrow. Don't talk to your new roommate, and under no circumstances sleep on your stomach
You are dancing to a Village People song, and your partner is wearing leather chaps	You're in a gay bar	Keeping your back to the wall, edge toward nearest exit. Do not accept offers for backrubs
Your singing sounds distorted	The beer is too weak	Have more beer until your voice improves
Don't remember the words to the song	Beer is just right	Play air guitar

 

Being the youngest of 3 can be painful at times. My brother Mike was 7 years older and my sister Karen was 5 years older. And being the youngest I for some reason more often than not would end up on the wrong end of the stick or this time off the cardboard.

 

I was about 5 or so and we lived in Kansas City Mo and across the street from a county park. The park set higher then the road so it had a nice hill to slide down on in sun or snow. The older kids were using cardboard and if you sat just right and got a little push for one of the others you had a great ride down the hill.. I had watched this going on for a long time and even though I was not to cross that street I did. And to my brothers displeasure there was his little sister bugging him again in front of all his friends. Crying and bugging to let me slide down the kill. Being the trusting 5 year old I did as I was told set down on my bottom and he gave me a shove. Now you would think I would not have gone down the hill without the cardboard,? You think?? Will you do if you fall over and start rolling. I rolled down the hill and when I stopped in my little dress and panties (remember it was summer) I was laying in a RED ANT HILL!!!  And before I could scream I was covered. I jumped up starting my Red Ant dance, my Red Ant screaming and my Red Ant run to the house. My mother heard me coming and took one look at me grabbed me ripped off my cloths and ran in the house she tossed me into the bath tub and turned on the water to wash my off. I can only remember my dad stepping into the bathroom for just a moment and then I heard him Bellow “MIKE!!!!” When mom got me out of the tub I looked like someone had taken red pain and just splattered me with it I was covered in stings and yes they even made me sick for a bit. So if you ever hear the expression “you got ants in your pants?” I can relate..lolol

 

And for Mike.. Well as the little sister who was sitting on her mothers laps whimpering in her mind he got what he deserved..

 The photos below are stings on an adult, give you an idea what my body looked like at the age of 5, then what one looks like and from baby to queen in size.

Jess

 

 

Just an other week.. HA!

 

It’s Friday and I have the day off, so will go to breakfast with my daughter and do a little running around. I have been working on getting my pension set up from two different companies on 1 I have 20 years with and that one will help me live out my retirement. The other one I didn’t even know I had. I was only with them for a few days over a year… But yep I still have to go thought the say paper process and time consuming task. For $28.00 a month..lolo after tax’s I will be lucky if it’s $20.00 a month.. But as my daughter said, it’s a tank of gas (will maybe a ½ tank) or med’s. LOLOL and accurse she is right when you retire every penny helps.

 

Update on my getting a puppy in June I have agreed and looking forward to it and excited too. Will be fun to have a little guy to take with me. I was talking to the owners last night Lisa and DJ about names.. I can’t name a pet till I see it, hold it, and watch it a little. This little guy will be a Shih Tzu, I can’t say it but if you sneeze you got it. J

 

I have applied for an other job at work I guess 3 of us did 1 of the others would be great at the new job and the other one I can’t believe they would even consider them but we all can apply. Ever wonder why some people will apply for a job when you can see they are not a good fit for it. There was only 1 position open till 4pm yesterday when one of the people who hold one of the positions (there are 6 that hold positions now)just up and quit we knew she was not happy but I was surprised when she did it the way she did. I know a job can drive you nuts and we have some upper management that are not good, but I guess I am old fashion and still believe you give some type of notice not just. Well I am out of here I quit and walk out..  I hate missing work to day I am sure things are a buzz.. lolol

 

I am looking for a new car so I can have it paid for before I retire. I sure like the Ford Explorer Sport Trac. Would give me 4 wheel drive, room for 4 adults, 4 doors, and yet a pick up bed. I want to keep my little spider if I can as it is paid for and would be a fun summer car. I also like the PT Cruiser. Nice looking and lots of room. Will keep you updated.

 

So let’s see, I need to keep you updated on my job, my puppy and my car…lets see any thing else.. oh oh almost forgot my diet and exercise NOT!! Let’s just say no news since the last no new..lolol

 

Will I need to get ready and go pick up shewoolf for breakfast (speaking of diet).lol

 

Have a great weekend.

 

Jess

Ever dated someone that you get a call from the Feds who are looking for him? This was in the early 80's.

 

I blame my sister for this one. I never gave out my name and number in a bar unless it was one I went to every weekend and danced with the same guy weekend after weekend. I always felt one of the reasons they find women’s bodies in field and rivers, we are too trusting. I had gone home for a weekend over Halloween and my sister tended bar and they were having a Halloween party so I went. While there this guy keep asking me to dance and he was very good and nice looking and a charmer and the guy he was with was from the town I lived in and they were trucking as a sleeper team. My sister told me to invite them to set at our table and I said no. While  I was dancing with an other she invited them. We had a great time and they were a lot of fun. About 2 weeks later I get a call at WORK and it was him, my sister had given him my work number thinking he wouldn’t call. I agreed to meet him for dinner and had a really nice time and when he came into town he always called. After a while I let him stay at my place when he was in town and after a bit longer I let him use my Vet while I was at work. He seemed so nice; cook dinner sometimes, walked the dog, and always walked with me when I walked the dog I was never out of his sight, you get the idea. Nice.. Maybe to Nice?  I came home from work one day and my Vet was there but the curtains were closed which I never did and when I walked in I had that gut feeling something wasn’t right. I called his name and found my car keys on the table but the house keys gone. I can not tell you why but I ran to where I keep my check book and my gun the check book was there the gun was not. I had never showed him that place so he had to have gone though my stuff.  I sat for awhile trying to decide what to do and ask my self where was he and why did he take my gun. Later that night I call the cops and told them I had been robbed. A very nice WISE officer came over and I told him when I came home my gun was gone. He ask a lot of questions about forced entry, I had to tell him no the door was not broken or the windows. He sat for a while and then said.. Jessie I know something more happened here and you have to trust me to help you. Do you know the man who took the gun so I babbled, ran at the mouth, snitched, tattle tailed, call it what you want I poured out my guts. He took all the info and told me to have the locks changed on the doors first thing in the morning and to call him if Mike returned.  I can still remember saying.. But my dog loved him..lolol His replay “It’s a young dog still poor judgment”. lolol this cop was very nice and did all he could to make me feel a little less stupid.

 

A few days later I got a call from Sacramento Calif the office of the ATF (Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms) asking me about Mike they had warrants for him in several states and saw my warrant for him for my gun. Now how the hell did they get that and so fast??? I gave him the same story I gave the cop and he said he was turning it over to the local office to meet with me. I ask him if I need to be afraid of him. His answer…he has never been violent, but he has never returned to a place as much as he has yours we think he really stick on you BUT I can not tell you what will happen if we corner him there. OUCH!! That woke me up.  The local guys came to my work and question me and ask me for any photos I had as the ones they had were old.(and I took a lot of them) They would not tell me everything he was wanted on but did say it had to do with transporting stolen firearms across state lines and drugs and he was wanted in several states. My boss was with me as I had asked her to come to the meeting with me so I would not be alone and she was really cool and love hearing about my weekends and such so this was just a added chapter for her.. I knew all this was not over my little gun . They would watch the house for a while and I was to call them if Mike contacted me. A few weeks later I got a call they had him in some back hill town in KY. And were flying back to get him. I then get a call a few days letter and even though the ATF had called the jail house and told them to hold him they released him and gave him back my gun and keys. I can still remember the tone and the guy saying..” My men are still flying back there to educate the local police on what it means to “hold” a suspect. I don’t know what happened I never got an other call and never saw any of them again and a course never got my gun back. BUT it proves my point DO NOT GIVE YOU NUMBER OUT IN A BAR!! My sister stills hears about this one..

 

I AM SO TIRED OF TALKING ABOUT WEATHER I AM NOT GOING TO THIS TIME..LOLOL

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT?

 

 

Sunny Saturday, BUT! Cold… What a crazy weather week. From rain, sun, snow, black ice, wind, we got it all except warm temps. Wednesday day it started snowing and when I got up Thursday it was beautiful out but I knew I would not be able to drive to work. So I had to catch Max (Light Rail)to work at 5:30. Thursday night was cold but more rain than snow so when I got up and looked outside it was almost gone so I thought I could drive.. Welllllllllllll I did and I made it but I drive over the West Hills and were I crest is 934ft and as I slid at the stop sign where it starts dropping down I honked and waved at Channel 2 news truck and kissed my ass go by.. There was a lot more snow than I though there would be and it was STILL snowing. Thank God no one was in front of me and the guy behind me was way back and going just as slow as me. One of those times I wish I had just taken Max and said the heck with it.. Coming home was beautiful but at lest the road was clear and not icy as going up would have been a trick..lol

 

Had ½ a day off yesterday so picked up my daughter Shewoolf for one of our mother-daughter days. Went shopping and got some great deals I needed more dress cloths as I have to met with customer and have to look business and where we went had a buy 1 get the second one for $1.00. Not a bad deal we got a little over $500 in cloths for just $215.00 I was happy with that.. lolol Then off to lunch we were headed to Chinese but next door was a Mexican place and we both love that food so went there instead and had a very nice lunch.

 

Today is nail, pedicure day and then taking Shewoolf and her family to lunch at the Olive Garden. Nothing special just time we did it again been way to long. And I enjoy so much being with them all. The boys are 12 will be 13 June and 14 so they are fun.

 

I need to finish painting my bathroom this weekend but with the house all closed up due to the cold not sure I will but I am going to stop and pick up the trim for the wall and stuff after lunch so I can be ready to go when I can open a window.

 

I need to do some blog walking this weekend I really haven’t in a while no sure where the time goes in my days but they sure go fast. I just don’t understand why the feel so long at work and yet the weekend days speed by and worse yet the years, I get dizzy watching them pass by. I will be 59 this summer now you tell me where do 40 of those go?? I can still remember moving from Kansas City Mo, on the Santa Fe Chief train when I was 9 to Calif, and turning 13 and getting married at 17, remarried at 20,no no not to the same man..lol having a daughter at 24, divorced at 32 the next 10 years have to be an adult blog..lololo but really none of that seems 50 years ago or 27 years ago or how ever long ago it was.  It’s been a wild ride most of the time I wouldn’t change much of any thing. Each year, each mistake each right decision has made me who I am today. And depending on who you ask, I like who I am today..lol  Do I jump out of bed like I did 20 years ago “No”, do I drink like I did 10 years ago “No”,   do I still enjoy each day “Yes” and do I always know the man’s name I wake up with “yes”, (notice that question is not in the “no” section) SOOOOOOOOOOO life is good..lolo

 

Ok I have rattled on and board you enough. Hope all of you have a wonderful weekend! Stay warm, dry and happy.

 

Peace

Jess

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Good Morning all, it’s Sunday again where did this week go? I could not get up this morning and I am not sure if it was from the paint fumes from paining the bathroom yesterday ( it came out awful), or the 16onc of wine I drink last night (I don’t drink wine) when I realized the bathroom looked awful. I am a morning person up early, bright eyed and ready to go. This morning I didn’t get up till 7AM and had to drag my self up and only did it then because the cat wanted a treat and was not buying the blanket over my head trick.

 

I am very good at visuals and got a metallics, pearl, sea light blue paint for one wall in the bathroom. And then took a little sponge and make marks on it, and then tried to put a stenciled at the bottom of a fence with flowers. UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG that was a mess.

I guess my visual wasn’t working right…..OUCH!!! Sorry my head just hit my desk..lolo

 

I will start at square one and go back and get more paint but I guess a little darker to hid my art work…lololol

 

It was beautiful yesterday here in the 50’s, sunny and was able to just dress normal with a light leather jacket on unbuttoned and be very comfortable. But sometime in the night the rain woke me up as I had my bedroom window open. So good by sunshine hello clouds and rain. Oh well normal is ok..lol

 

My plug for the day:

I have just a few charities I give to, not that I don’t think many many desire the help and need it, but you just can’t do them all that I get mail from. But I am a strong backer of Paralyzed Veterans of American. There are so many from WWII, Vietnam, Desert Storm, now this war, and I am sure some in between that were not call war but men were still dying or being wounded. (And yes this does happen one was called Korea)  My father was in a wheel chair for years and I know the challenges they face as well as the family.  The other one is St Jude’s Hospital for Children. One that I wish I could give more to. What they do is amazing and they do not turn down any child. Danny Tomas started it and his daughter Marlo is still working to keep them going. I can’t watch there tell-a-thon with out crying..lol

 

I get so many more in the mail you ever wonder how they got your name and address. I always feel guilty when I toss them away either unopened or read and then tossed.  But you have to choose what you’re going to support and not feel guilty (easier said than done). The last one is Any Soldier, sending packages to the men and women in Iraq. So check out the 3 links and just see what I am talking about.

 

I am thinking of getting a puppy in June. One of the families I house and pet sit for want to give me one from the new litter due in April. Because they think I take such good care of there home and 3 dog’s 2 Shih Tuz and 1 Dalmatian. The puppy would be a Shih Tuz cute little guys and just the right size for my place. This is a very nice offer as they sale them for good bucks.  With it being June the weather will have started warming up a little making house training better, I talked to my land lady about what the deposit would be as it use to be 200.00 that was 5 years ago. She said it is 400 now but I could just add 200 to my deposit I have on my cat. But while taking she said you have been here so long and I know you take care of things. If you want to get the puppy go ahead and we will not charge you any more deposit. I was so surprised and please what a nice thing for her to do. I told my daughter it’s just getting to easy to get this puppy..lolol I am still not sure (yes yes yes) but will think about it a while longer I have lots of time yet.  But what is really odd I have been talking about getting a dog for about 6 months just not sure what I wanted or if I really wanted one. I see that all as a big sign to get one.

 

Last but worth it.. I decided to see who had googled me and what search topic they used.. GOD I think I hurt myself rolling on the floor laughing at this one..

 

 ass mastro!

 

Well my coffee is done and calling my name and the paper has warmed up so I am headed that way ass and all. Have a wonderful Sunday.

 

Jessie

You kow how stumble on a blog that has some great stuff on it. WIll this morning I went to a link from one of the comments that was  left on my blog From Chaos To Confusion. He has some great Flash videos on his blog you should check out the Honda one. Some one put a lot of time in it. But I got a kick out of this one Crazy Rabbit

You shoud go try and see if you can go faster than the Rabbit or can shake him off..

 

Have some things to do to day so will do my blog later. have a great day!

 

Jess